Fae Frost Page 3
“Cormick Deaglan was a friend of mine in our boyhood.” Papa broke the silence. “They own a large cattle ranch the next valley over. You’ve met him several times, remember?” Papa nodded towards the north, to a place I couldn’t recall in the slightest. “He’s a just man, and I know he raised Seamus the same way. I’ve seen him grow, and I’ve been impressed with him during the yearly farmer’s markets.”
A cattle ranch. Even I wasn’t naïve enough to think that any of this was for love. In such a sparsely populated community with miles between every homestead, every marriage had its advantages. My marriage to this Seamus would bring some sort of trading deal between my family’s farm and Deaglan’s ranch.
I would be able to help my family more by this marriage than I have with anything else my whole life.
I took a breath and looked at the brass pots hanging on the wall above the wash basin. I should say yes. As a daughter of this family, it was my duty. I just couldn’t bring myself to.
At the same time, I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. To prove how selfish I was by choosing my carefree life over the needs of the family. It wasn’t just Mama and Papa. It was my brothers and their wives and children, plus all the aunts, uncles, and cousins that lived on the homestead.
Papa took a breath, the harsh red fading from his face. “With this marriage, we’d always have someone to buy our product and be able to buy cows at a discounted rate. We’d be able to feed the family and store up food for winter using less money.” He looked me in the face, serious as a stone. “Maira, a large reason why I accepted was because the Deaglan ranch is the only other establishment in the whole community that doesn’t employ Fae slaves.”
I looked up sharply. Our family didn’t keep Fae slaves because of our negative past with them—involving me. Now we didn’t keep them because Papa and my uncles were too worried about offending the Fae that frequented the threshold of our farm—also because of me.
Every other settlement used slaves Fae, stripped of their free will. In most cases it was cheap, easy labor. The larger Fae were able to lift more than a human, and they didn’t have to be paid because they didn’t have a choice to do the labor or not.
It meant something that the Deaglan family chose not to use Fae slaves. It also meant that I would be completely cut off from the Fae community unless Helios chose to come and see me at that ranch. And I just couldn’t envision a husband being okay with his wife gone the whole day to see another man. Even if my husband was a just man who didn’t believe in slave labor.
I frowned. “I just…”
Mom took pity on my confusion. She stood up and put an arm around my shoulders. “We might have said yes to the engagement, but it is your decision in the end.” She squeezed my shoulders. “Your papa and I both think this is the right thing for you, Maira.”
My brows knit together, and I looked down at my hands fisted in my skirt.
“Think about it,” Papa said. “There’s still another two months before the priest heads south for the winter. We should be done with seeding by noon tomorrow. We’ll ride over to the Deaglan ranch after, and you can meet Seamus face to face.” He put his hands on the table and slowly pushed to his feet. He smoothed the hair on that back of my head, the same complicated emotion on his face I’d seen on the wagon ride this afternoon.
Now I knew why he let me go with Helios without an argument. He wanted to give me a final, peaceful time with Helios before he dropped this yoke on my neck.
Without another word, he turned and retreated to his room off the side of the kitchen.
I sat there for a moment, too stunned to fully think. Slowly, I stood up. Instead of going to my room in the attic, I walked out the front door and into the falling night. Every step was faster than the one before, until my distressed emotions sent me running. I needed to breathe, somewhere away from all the expectations weighing on me. I didn’t go far, as much as I wanted to. It would have been wonderful to go somewhere, anywhere to escape from this choice. Instead, I hid in the back of the large barn, sitting on a pile of hay while the horses munched on their own suppers, sending hay fibers in the air as they did.
I hugged my legs to my chest and buried my face in my knees as my desires to appease my family or myself whirled in my head.
Chapter 4
Sleep eluded me that night, even after crawling out of my hiding space. I lay up in my little attic room, surrounded by the earthy, sweet smell of the drying plants that filled every inch of my walls. Usually a few deep breaths would send me to sleep, high on a cloud of happy magic. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if my plants would ever get the chance to be used. Such a waste of their deaths if they weren’t. I rolled over and stared at my collection of small glass vials across the room, moonlight reflecting on the throat of the bottles. It hadn’t been easy to come up with the money for those.
It had been hours since my talk with Papa but I wasn’t any closer to knowing what to do. I could have—should have—gone and talked to someone about what was going on in my head. Maybe saying it all aloud, my anxiety of never going back to Lasair, and my fears about marrying and never seen Helios again, would help clear my mind. But I couldn’t bring myself to. No matter who I talked to, it would be the same. Stop being selfish and get married. Now.
Surrounded by my plants, their scents thick in the air, I realized that I didn’t want to talk to just anyone. I wanted to talk to Helios. He’d listen to me with his kind smile and help me figure out what to do. I’d seen him help people with problems countless times, not just because he was their king but because he wanted to help them. He’d help me too.
I paused, tears coming to my eyes. No, I didn’t want just to tell him what was happening. I wanted him to tell me not to do it. I wanted him on my side, to tell me it was okay to pick my feelings over my family. I wanted him to tell me to choose him, a Fae, over a human boy.
Something pinged on the window behind me.
I jumped and flipped over just as another pebble bounced off the glass again.
There was only one person who has ever thrown pebbles at my window. But it was impossible that he was here. It was well past the middle of the night—there hadn’t been time for him to fly that far in the dark.
I pressed my face to the glass, barely able to breathe.
There he was, standing just below my window, glowing like a star in the night. His hand kneaded the back of his neck as he shifted from side to side.
Quickly, I slid out of bed and grabbed a cloak to hide my nightclothes. Each pop and creak of the stairs down to the main room was excruciating. I couldn’t take my eyes off my parents’ bedroom door, sure that Papa was going to come out any second. What would he say about his daughter running out of the house in her nightgown to see a man? Luckily, Papa’s snoring never paused, and I hurried across the room to the front door. Slowly, I shut it behind me, careful with the bolt so that it didn’t make a sound.
Barely able to breathe, I hurried around my house to where Helios waited.
I never tired of looking at him. It amazed me how his hair could be so fiery bright in the day but changed to a dark red at night. He didn’t put on a cloak before he came, so his wings were visible as they hung down his back like a glowing cape. When he looked up, the serious expression on his face softened to the sweet smile he only had for me. “I’m sorry to wake you, Fae Eyes.” Despite his words, he didn’t look sorry at all.
He held out his hands to me. I stepped between his arms and rest my hand on his warm forearms while his fingers curled around my bent elbows. It wasn’t a full hug, I don’t know if I was allowed to hug him right now, but I was still close enough I could lean my forehead on his chest and breathe in the smell of the warm sun. Helios’s smell.
“I wasn’t asleep,” I admitted, loving the heat that radiated from him, banishing any night chill my cloak couldn’t handle. “I was just wishing I could see you.” Cheeks hot, I peeked up at him.
His brows wrinkled, a
s if bothered, but a smile pulled at his mouth. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you either.” His hand brushed through my wild curls, taming them behind my ear.
“It’s so late at night. Is something wrong?” I asked.
He sighed, as if in regret, and his hand fell to the side. “I … yes.” He admitted and turned. He motioned to the side, toward the fields farthest from any house. He let go of my arm and started to walk.
I trailed beside him, looking into his troubled face with concern. What had happened? As far as I knew, the only change lately was his visitors. “Is this about…Queen Aysla?”
He jumped like a drop of cold water spilled down his back. He stopped next to a horse stall fence and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. “Yes.”
I settled next to him.
His face softened for a moment before hardening back to a frown. “When I ran the Red Caps out of my territory last year, it threw off the balance of the surrounding territories. Most have been able to settle down, but Queen Aysla’s hasn’t. The majority of the surviving Red Caps settled in her lands. Frost Fae, while almost as powerful as the Sun Fae, are actually few in number in comparison, and the Red Caps are on the verge of taking over her kingdom. An alliance between the Sun Fae and Frost Fae would fix that.”
I looked down at my toes, as guilt tore at me. The Red Caps had killed his father and sold Helios as a slave to humans before I found him, so he had a deep grudge against them. But it was also for my sake that he pushed them out. The Red Caps had tried to use me as a sacrifice to empower themselves. As long as there were Red Caps around, I wasn’t safe.
Which meant it was both our faults that the Frost Kingdom was suffering.
A shiver sent goosebumps over my arms as I remembered how the Red Caps had tortured me. I didn’t have nightmares as much anymore, but it was a memory I’d never forget.
The heat from Helios intensified, warming me to the bone, as he mistook my shiver for the cold of night.
Helios looked up at the moon. “I am a king,” he said, conviction in his voice. “I should have thought about the consequences of my actions when I drove the Red Caps out. Instead, I thought only with my emotions. Of your safety. Now those actions have caused strife for others. It’s inexcusable.” He shook his head.
Just hearing him talk about it made my existence seem so small. My whole life revolved around my farm. It was my whole world, other than the small place where the summer market was set up that I’d visit once a year. Last year, my world became bigger when Lasair was added. How many lands were out there that I didn’t even know about? How many did Helios know, while I lived in ignorance?
“Queen Aysla contacted me a week ago, requesting a visit. The Sun and Frost Fae have never been on bad terms, and since I feel responsible for her ails, I accepted. I didn’t know the reason for her visit was to propose an alliance between our two lands.” He paused. “An alliance of marriage.”
I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t seem to think of a solid string of thoughts. All I could do was feel. Shocked. Alarmed. Denial.
I peeked at him, still not sure what to do. He stared at me, eyes burning with intensity. He wanted a reaction from me. I swallowed, trying to clear my mind enough to say something. Anything.
“Does it have to be…” I lost my nerve, shocked that this was what came out, and looked back at my feet. Helios waited, his gaze like hot coal on my back. He’d wait the whole night. “Marriage?” I finally finished. “Do you have to get married to make an alliance?”
Did he have to belong to someone else? Couldn’t he just stay … sort of mine? Couldn’t we just stay like this forever?
No, this wasn’t how I wanted to stay forever. I wanted to feel the heat of his arms, not just the warm air that surrounded him. I wanted Helios all for myself and I wanted to belong to just Helios. No more unspoken words, no more distance.
“Part of the alliance is an heir,” Helios explained. “For both of us.”
The warm air around me cooled, not because Helios stopped his warmth. I couldn’t feel it anymore, over the chill that settled in bones.
“An heir?” I whispered back.
He nodded. “While Queen Aysla is strong enough, the power of the Frost royal line is diminishing because there aren’t enough Frost Fae to keep it strong. I can give her that strength.” He frowned at the ground, face as blank as a stone. “And I need an heir too. It’s my responsibility to my people. I must keep the Sun Fae strong. For my people’s future.” His voice was quiet. There was conviction in his words, but his eyes were blank. Almost hollow.
An heir. It was like defeat for me. Humans and Fae could give each other pleasure, but they were sterile together. There was no way I could ever give Helios an heir. It was impossible. The more I thought about it, the tighter I gripped my skirt until my fingers ached almost as bad as my heart.
Helios sighed and looked at his hands. “I’ve always been so proud of my strength. I can best a dozen Sun Fae, easily. But now, I find myself trapped by that strength, unsure what to do. The council wants me to accept. As the king, I do have the right of choice, but it could cause a rift between me and the council. And what if Queen Aysla gets offended and declares enmity toward my people?”
I tried to come up with something to say. Anything to make him feel better. I couldn’t. The only thing I wanted to say was for him to not marry her. But even with those words at the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t say them. I just couldn’t be that selfish to a people I’d learned to love.
Helios ran a hand through his hair, tousling his dark red locks, and scowled at the moon.
I reached out to soothe it down. Inches from his hair, I stopped. Was I even allowed to touch him anymore? Technically, I was an engaged woman. And he might be engaged too. Was this what the future was between us? This bitter gap where I couldn’t even touch him anymore?
Helios noticed and looked at me, curious.
Suddenly, I felt like a deer caught in a trap. I shouldn’t be ashamed—Helios and I have never shared words of promise, but I felt like I was betraying Helios with Seamus. My gaze slid to the side as guilt burned me.
“I’m getting married.” My mouth formed the words, but even I couldn’t hear my voice.
Helios shook his head, frowning. “What was that, Fae Eyes?”
Hearing my pet name made it all the worse. Did he feel like this too? My hands clenched into fists and I met his eyes. “I’m getting married.” This time my voice seemed to echo around us as I flung the words at him.
Helios froze, bright eyes wide with shock and brows pulled together. His wings flickered, lit on fire, reduced back to just light, then flickered bright again. After a couple seconds he let out his breath slowly. “Married?”
“Yes. Why are you so shocked? Or am I that unsuitable?” Anger burst from me. It was partially his fault anyway. As a poor little farmer’s girl, there was no way I could approach Helios with the idea. If he didn’t want me to get married, he should have said something sooner.
“No.” Helios reached out a hand, paused and dropped it to his side. “No, that’s not what I meant. You are more than a worthy candidate.”
“But not worthy enough,” I muttered and looked down, shocked that I finally voiced that prickling hurt.
Helios’s hands fisted at his sides and he pushed off the fence. He paced in front of me, his movement jerky, long legs eating up the ground as he went. The fire on his wings flickered on and off.
I slid off the fence and walked up to him. “Helios?”
He turned to face me and the flames in his eyes smothered to sorrow. Slowly his hand came up, bridged that ever present gap, and slid through my hair, pulling the strands softly through his fingers. “For the first time in my life,” his voice was barely audible, “I wish I was…”
He didn’t have to finish for me to understand. I closed my eyes, loving the gentle tug of his fingers. “I wish I was a Fae,” I whispered through the piercing pain, tears pooling behind my closed lids.
I swallowed as another sting jabbed into my heart. “Are you talking about the magic in me? Queen Aysla,” her name was like sour milk my mouth, “said I had magic in me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The tenderness in Helios’s eyes cooled back to his controlled mask. “For your protection. As long you didn’t know, there was no chance that other humans would find out and try to take advantage of you.”
He reached out and took my hand, holding it as if it was delicate glass. He positioned my palm up and laid his warm palm over mine. It was different than the normal heat—it was more, reaching deep within my soul and drawing extra heat to my palm until it was as hot as fire but still not painful. Slowly, he lifted his hand, keeping his palm over mine.
Connecting our hands, palm to palm, was a golden light as bright as Helios’s wings. It sparkled, like the sun of a rippling pond, as the energy circled between him and me. The little sun charm on my bracelet lit up, like a magical candle flame, dangling from my wrist.
My lips parted with shock. I never thought I’d ever get to see magic like this on me. Coming from me. But it was, clear as day, absorbing into my skin then coming back out to drift up to Helios.
“Your body spent so much time with the Red Cap’s curse circling inside, I can only assume that when you used Sun Fae Nectar to heal it, instead of releasing its magic back into the earth, your body absorbed and kept it.” Helios kept his eyes on the magic flowing between us, as if it was a lifeline he needed.